Monochrome My Madness by Ashleigh Giannoccaro

Author:Ashleigh Giannoccaro
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Suspense
Published: 2015-04-06T04:00:00+00:00

A FEW WEEKS AGO I received a shipment of what you would call blood diamonds, uncut raw and illegal. The unethical diamonds that are frowned upon by the world, mined by children with machine guns and sold for their souls. What could be more perfect for the ring I plan to put on my murderous girlfriend’s finger the thing is I am beginning to like the permanence of it, I am less likely to beat the shit out of her because I have to see the marks next morning. I see the damage my monster inflicts and then I want to fucking kill him. Shannon has stirred something in me, and I am afraid of it, this is new to me a different kind of madness than I am used to. I find myself thinking of her, wanting to be with her and imagining the future with her that I should not want. I am feeling – things I do not know how to feel. Good things and they hurt just as much as all the bad things that came before them. I am in constant agony over her.

The monster is still there, the madness still consumes me and I still hurt her just not as often and I can control it more than I have been able to before. The overwhelming shame at the sight of her broken body, when I do it, consumes me for days after, I have to find a way to make it stop. I spend hours in the gym beating the crap out of punching bags and anyone stupid enough to spar with me in the ring, but some days it is just not enough. Some days I have to hurt her because this feeling is hurting me. Hurting her heals my pain just a little each time. The same soothing relief I get each time a member of my family dies.

Shannon has turned my world and my plan a little on its axis and I feel myself slipping away and my control is getting less and less. I keep having this dream where I am the king of this fucking world and she is my queen, where I worship her and treat her right. In my dream, she is still a dangerous, bloodthirsty killer, but I am safe from her and she serves me with her murderous lust for blood. I am not sure what to make of it all. Back at home I would have seen my therapist that actually helped keep this shit under control. Here I don’t have that luxury my family cannot see me going to a shrink it would not fit in with the plan. They would know something was wrong with me. O’Reilly’s don’t deal with their madness they cover it up and hide. I could use my drugs, they would clear the mess in my mind. That would leave me to think about what I am doing and I don’t want to think, I just want it done.

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